january 22, 2004 // 9:11 pM

damn today was freakin cold outside! shit thank goodness we have a ride!! man ive totally been stressin ova FINALS which is on monday and tuesday..hhmmfff..well today at skool was pretty aight..i had a quiz in geometry and a test in chemistry..it was OKAY i guess..lol after skool mikey picked me up and we chilled with justine and lindley then we took justine to mayfair and saw ALLEN who ive not seen or talked to in a long while..lol and others from the filipino club..nd then afterwards we took lindley by around his hood..nd afta all dat ..we got home in 5 minutes nd i thought it would be a mission to get to the crib..then i STUDIED...yea i did..nd now im off to sleep..i was jez bored nd had nothing else to do, so i decided to update..well dats all FOR NOW..stay tuned for my weekend updates with some pics..=P

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was good homiez =P i havent touched dis spot fo a while now. thanx to everyone fo the lovely comments! well i guess we can say that life has been too damn good lately nd im doin great..besides da fact dat finals are comin around da corner, im OK..haha..man i hate the fact that were back at skool again, i was so used to the winter break, sleeping late and going straight to the fridge...haha only my fat ass will say somethin like dat rye? hehe =) hmm friday night at home..ah its ok i have to babysit and i have to get some studying done, so i really dont mind. i also need to get some rest, been at skool wakin up early as hell nd walkin around dat damn big ass school nd shit.. =/  haha... damn man people said i was LOUD ..too loud at skool today.aha back to my old LOUD self..mwhahaahhaha so happie..damn me nd my babezz are soo good =]  hehe thanx fo all da smiles lately.. ;] ooh i want a job...so i can have gas moneeyyy ..for when i get my drivers license..although i dont get it until april coz of my damn birthday, its all good..it sucks tho..damn drivers ed, they put me in too early, nd instead of me waitin fo da semester to end to get my license like the others, im waiting fo my damn birthday...my young aZz..! its ok, it aint no biggie anyways, coz i got my ride all day every day..anytime i want.. =P hehe my BABYYY! anyways..i got my highlights done last saturday..nd my nails done..=P my babez treated me..sorta hehe love youu!! ok well rye now im on da fone wid my girl ima jez leave u guys wid these pics..

edited [o1.o4.o4]

damn da last day before skool starts nd i didnt do shit..its all good though i needed my rest and catch up on some sleep..which i think i've followed up on. hehe..ahh my winter break was pretty okay it wasn't shit compared to the rest dat i've had before..if i could go back, there would have been definitely things i could've changed. but watever, cant do shit bout em now. but its all good though coz ive learned many things during the past two weeks. but damn it, do we really have to go back to school tomorrow?  =/  yeah by the way, my girl sarah called me up today nd she asked me if i was going back to school tomorrow and i said yea and asked why and she goes "well my school doesnt go back til wednesday" ahh i was gonna scream..im so jealous..i still think i need more rest and sleep and time to go out and do wat i wanna do. nd during the break, i dont think i went out nd had much fun like im supposed to..eh.. i think i have a lot of favors to do fo myself now..now dat i kno wat i need to kno..hmm like get away from every1 nd be alone fo one day to jez go nd get pampered at da spa man..get a massage, my nails done, and my hair..hmm..too bad i cant do it dat soon, im broke..i got 9 bucks left from wat i made over christmas, but watever. ah from now on, my only goal is to make myself happy nd not to look at any1 else fo my happiness only because i kno dat i cant always depend on someone to make me smile or hear the things i wanna hear..pff..anyways..for the time being, i guess ill be okay. despite all that ive gone thru or wat not, im good, i could be better..ahh i should go out more man..im missing out on my friends nd da things dats going around my social life jez bcoz of this. ok but watever..i hope me nd mr. right could jez move on with our lives..man u kno..i wish me nd him could go on a vacation away from everyone nd jez spend some good time together..coz its always fun wid jez me n him, jez like its always been, but it would be better to get away from every1 elses negativity nd all those damn people dat call..wtf? dont u all have lives..stop calling!! no one cares lol.. ok..yeaa ! lol man u kno wat, despite the mistakes that we both have made..man, we love each other. one minute we could be tearin at each others throats, but damn i love dat guy..its like really weird coz out of all the guys ive met no one is like him..like no is that sweet, or that caring, or considerate. everything he does for me, watever i want and how i want it, he doesnt do it by force, but bcoz he cares nd loves me and wants me to be happy. how many guys out there would actually read dis and say "yea dats rite" instead of laughing coz u guys are pigs..lol but it takes a real man to do wat he gots to do to make his lady smile nd be happy. anyways i love you baby..

 

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saying goodbye to 2oo3

 

nd` welcome da 2oo4

happy new years everyone! lets see, going back to skool so soon man damn...i dont wanna go back, i still need more rest and recovery time from all the emotional shit i was put through dis entire break. dont get me wrong, through da drama i guess i had some fun..other than that, relationship wise, he said we would start off the new year with a new beginning and forget wat happened in da past, but..i guess he see's it by adding new lies or wat not. its tiring but were still pushing and trying to make it work. i mean every night,  cant sleep, da only way i can sleep is if im really tired from crying..nd i'll jez cry n cry til i fall asleep. its so wrong, and by reading this, u all prolly think dat i shouldnt put myself thru it..nd i feel da same way..i jez cant give up. i put too much into dis relationship than bullshit n drama. everytime i do think of jez giving up, da memories come back, the pictures on the wall and frames around my room signifies many of the memories that we've shared with each other. we had soo many good times up until he went to mather nd met those damn ppl he calls his "friends" nd since then he's been doin da wrong things nd turning into someone i dont want him to be. dont get me wrong, he has a lot of friends, but da new ones he made at dat skool makes his head spin. nd since then, everything between us has been on a downward spiral. and each nd everytime i cry the same tears feel the same pain and its always the same "im sorry's" yea i always forgive him, but i can never forget wat happened and da mistakes dat he made. its already january, as soon as you kno it, it'll be april and my 16th birthday and im going to get my license and my car and our anniversary too..but dont you ever get scared dat out of all da things uve dont nd said to me dat it might go back to you? yea we all kno it, i can be a bitch when i want to but wat if i jez dont give a damn no more..man you have a lot to think about and a lot to change..blaming your problems on me and everyone else isnt the right thing to do. you kno your mistakes fix em.. nd if u ask me if i care, honestly i dont kno and i dont think i should care anymore..thru all dat bullshit and tears and heartache, u still want me to treat you right? but man u kno wat, dealin wid dis aint worth it anymore. u do wat u need to do to make things work, ima jez sit back nd relax n let u work ur magic somehow. coz im ready to give up my heart cant take it n my body cant take da pain nd depresssion anymore. its making me sick and weak. im going on a new path. a path that'll make things better for me..not you but me..ive tried to make it so dat u n me can go our way n be happy but u ruined a lot. i cant sit here n say i neva did u wrong coz i kno i did, nd everything has been made up fo ive changed to make wat we have last and its lasted dis far iono how far it will go or end up at..well for now ima be doin me n wat i gotta do to stop thinkin of all dis drama..coz its driving me crazy..ooh damn i need some pics up on here soon =P

yeaaa dats my babyyy =] o4.26.o2 hehe

yes it has been a while and im updating with a new look to my page =]  merry christmas and happy holidays to everyone? well whos up for a new years party? lol coz i am =]  life has been great and dis vacation is going by too fast dont u think? i think ive well benefitted by the rest ive gotten this past week and u kno wat? it feels damn good lol this is jez a quick update and im not going to recap on the things dats been happening lately..too much to write, u kno n i aint in no mood to update. lets jez say the time spent wid my baby is time well spent =] 

ok now everyone, comment me, i miss all those comments dat ppl leave me..i used to get soo much ..nd now u guys get lazy..so cmon comment me nd leave me propppzz =]  i love wat u guys have to say!

woooo baby i loveeee you

<3_aLLeNN

right now im so frustrated. arent i supposed to have people to turn to so i can talk to them? its real funnie how i really have no one to turn to. certain people i cant even talk to without someone getting mad. seriously i dont care anymore. theres so many things dat so many of you prove to me dat i shouldnt care about you. events from the past couple of days or weeks have led me to believe that most of you are fake! most of you arent worth caring for at all. in my face ur koo but behind my back all of u are fkd up in da head. if you think im sitting here stressing about it, im not..im jez happy dat i finally know whos true to me..and theres only 3 of you..wow..u guys kno who you are. its quite amazing dat me n mike can fight and fight and fight. soo many times but we can never be over each other. everyday is a new day, a new fight/arguement. and for you that kno wat happens or i happen to call during the event, thank you and dont worry about it.. =]  from fighting and arguing all the time, i firgured myself out and i learn so much from what some of you tell me. i am a "hot head" and i tend to blow up small situations into a "big deal" and dats y me n mike fight so much. but really, in order to change da way i am and da way i act sometimes, i need some of u to help me. i dont want to become this person with a bad temper my whole life, i cant be dat, and i wont be that. some people i need to learn to trust in order to move forward, but it is hard when i have no help from anyone and da ppl dat i do tend to go to, im sorta.."forbidden" to talk to. which may seem silly to most of you that dont kno da situation. although im never informed about things, i hear from other people, nd eh its quite funny. but anywayz.. i've pushed myself away from so many of you, dat you guys dont even kno da deal anymore. theres really one other person but mike dat kno wasup. i really dont care about whos reading this and whos judging wat i am saying, and i really dont care..honestly its a lot better for me to write things down n keep things to myself instead of telling it to some of you straight up dat ya'll are real dumb. i dont understand why some of us, including myself, get mad for real stupid shit. (im not gonna go into detail =]   )  i should always be thankful for the things dat you, mike, do for me, but im always worrying about da "what ifs" and all dis shit..i shouldnt blame you bcoz u really dont give me a reason not trust you, but so many people say shit to me n say "well hey u never know" which gets me to think. sometimes i wish all of u knew who he is and wat hes about and tell me to quit trippin all da time. anywayz...fo da ones dats been there thank you i really cant thank you enough. the conversations at any time of da day where i needed to talk and you were there..nd even tho u had some h/w u stayed on da fone jez to make me laugh.. =]  n fo my love, my moe-moe..sorry fo always blowin up at u fo stupid shit, and most definitely fo even hittin u da way i did. yeah i have a bad temper, and i am willing to change dat, but its hard to do it when ur constantly pushing my buttons. and to trina girl ur always proving to me dat u are da only female i can always go to. all da times i cried u were there to make me feel so much better about myself and da situation. u were always willling to do everything n say anything to make me smile even just a little bit. girl u proven to me dat YOU ARE DA ONLY female i can trust. and to mikey (moe-moe) and lindley i dont care about wat any1 has to say anymore. u guys have been there the most when i needed any1 da most. for being my friend a real good friend u deserve so much. u dont deserve da bullshit dat life will soemtimes throw at you. u guys have proven so much to me. thanx fo bein there thru da tears and da fears dat u guys helped me get over. thank you for caring no matter wat anyone said. thank you..my 3 true friends..which is quite FEW.. =]  u guys are da best..if i had all da money in da world, id buy u guys watever u wanted fo christmas, but i have umm like 40 cents in my wallet rite now coz spent all da money i had on presents on my family =]