edited [o1.o4.o4]

damn da last day before skool starts nd i didnt do shit..its all good though i needed my rest and catch up on some sleep..which i think i've followed up on. hehe..ahh my winter break was pretty okay it wasn't shit compared to the rest dat i've had before..if i could go back, there would have been definitely things i could've changed. but watever, cant do shit bout em now. but its all good though coz ive learned many things during the past two weeks. but damn it, do we really have to go back to school tomorrow?  =/  yeah by the way, my girl sarah called me up today nd she asked me if i was going back to school tomorrow and i said yea and asked why and she goes "well my school doesnt go back til wednesday" ahh i was gonna scream..im so jealous..i still think i need more rest and sleep and time to go out and do wat i wanna do. nd during the break, i dont think i went out nd had much fun like im supposed to..eh.. i think i have a lot of favors to do fo myself now..now dat i kno wat i need to kno..hmm like get away from every1 nd be alone fo one day to jez go nd get pampered at da spa man..get a massage, my nails done, and my hair..hmm..too bad i cant do it dat soon, im broke..i got 9 bucks left from wat i made over christmas, but watever. ah from now on, my only goal is to make myself happy nd not to look at any1 else fo my happiness only because i kno dat i cant always depend on someone to make me smile or hear the things i wanna hear..pff..anyways..for the time being, i guess ill be okay. despite all that ive gone thru or wat not, im good, i could be better..ahh i should go out more man..im missing out on my friends nd da things dats going around my social life jez bcoz of this. ok but watever..i hope me nd mr. right could jez move on with our lives..man u kno..i wish me nd him could go on a vacation away from everyone nd jez spend some good time together..coz its always fun wid jez me n him, jez like its always been, but it would be better to get away from every1 elses negativity nd all those damn people dat call..wtf? dont u all have lives..stop calling!! no one cares lol.. ok..yeaa ! lol man u kno wat, despite the mistakes that we both have made..man, we love each other. one minute we could be tearin at each others throats, but damn i love dat guy..its like really weird coz out of all the guys ive met no one is like him..like no is that sweet, or that caring, or considerate. everything he does for me, watever i want and how i want it, he doesnt do it by force, but bcoz he cares nd loves me and wants me to be happy. how many guys out there would actually read dis and say "yea dats rite" instead of laughing coz u guys are pigs..lol but it takes a real man to do wat he gots to do to make his lady smile nd be happy. anyways i love you baby..

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saying goodbye to 2oo3

nd` welcome da 2oo4

happy new years everyone! lets see, going back to skool so soon man damn...i dont wanna go back, i still need more rest and recovery time from all the emotional shit i was put through dis entire break. dont get me wrong, through da drama i guess i had some fun..other than that, relationship wise, he said we would start off the new year with a new beginning and forget wat happened in da past, but..i guess he see's it by adding new lies or wat not. its tiring but were still pushing and trying to make it work. i mean every night,  cant sleep, da only way i can sleep is if im really tired from crying..nd i'll jez cry n cry til i fall asleep. its so wrong, and by reading this, u all prolly think dat i shouldnt put myself thru it..nd i feel da same way..i jez cant give up. i put too much into dis relationship than bullshit n drama. everytime i do think of jez giving up, da memories come back, the pictures on the wall and frames around my room signifies many of the memories that we've shared with each other. we had soo many good times up until he went to mather nd met those damn ppl he calls his "friends" nd since then he's been doin da wrong things nd turning into someone i dont want him to be. dont get me wrong, he has a lot of friends, but da new ones he made at dat skool makes his head spin. nd since then, everything between us has been on a downward spiral. and each nd everytime i cry the same tears feel the same pain and its always the same "im sorry's" yea i always forgive him, but i can never forget wat happened and da mistakes dat he made. its already january, as soon as you kno it, it'll be april and my 16th birthday and im going to get my license and my car and our anniversary too..but dont you ever get scared dat out of all da things uve dont nd said to me dat it might go back to you? yea we all kno it, i can be a bitch when i want to but wat if i jez dont give a damn no more..man you have a lot to think about and a lot to change..blaming your problems on me and everyone else isnt the right thing to do. you kno your mistakes fix em.. nd if u ask me if i care, honestly i dont kno and i dont think i should care anymore..thru all dat bullshit and tears and heartache, u still want me to treat you right? but man u kno wat, dealin wid dis aint worth it anymore. u do wat u need to do to make things work, ima jez sit back nd relax n let u work ur magic somehow. coz im ready to give up my heart cant take it n my body cant take da pain nd depresssion anymore. its making me sick and weak. im going on a new path. a path that'll make things better for me..not you but me..ive tried to make it so dat u n me can go our way n be happy but u ruined a lot. i cant sit here n say i neva did u wrong coz i kno i did, nd everything has been made up fo ive changed to make wat we have last and its lasted dis far iono how far it will go or end up at..well for now ima be doin me n wat i gotta do to stop thinkin of all dis drama..coz its driving me crazy..ooh damn i need some pics up on here soon =P