h0ttiew1tdab0dy's Xanga

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 00:57:40 GMT

happy birthday to ME .. happy birthday to ME ... happy birthday happy birthday.... happy birthday to ME! yeaaaaabudddyyy! im finally 17.. not quite 18... but 17..

me&sarah

holla at ya gurl

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Sat, 17 Jan 2004 00:25:02 GMT

january 22, 2004 // 9:11 pM

damn today was freakin cold outside! shit thank goodness we have a ride!! man ive totally been stressin ova FINALS which is on monday and tuesday..hhmmfff..well today at skool was pretty aight..i had a quiz in geometry and a test in chemistry..it was OKAY i guess..lol after skool mikey picked me up and we chilled with justine and lindley then we took justine to mayfair and saw ALLEN who ive not seen or talked to in a long while..lol and others from the filipino club..nd then afterwards we took lindley by around his hood..nd afta all dat ..we got home in 5 minutes nd i thought it would be a mission to get to the crib..then i STUDIED...yea i did..nd now im off to sleep..i was jez bored nd had nothing else to do, so i decided to update..well dats all FOR NOW..stay tuned for my weekend updates with some pics..=P

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was good homiez =P i havent touched dis spot fo a while now. thanx to everyone fo the lovely comments! well i guess we can say that life has been too damn good lately nd im doin great..besides da fact dat finals are comin around da corner, im OK..haha..man i hate the fact that were back at skool again, i was so used to the winter break, sleeping late and going straight to the fridge...haha only my fat ass will say somethin like dat rye? hehe =) hmm friday night at home..ah its ok i have to babysit and i have to get some studying done, so i really dont mind. i also need to get some rest, been at skool wakin up early as hell nd walkin around dat damn big ass school nd shit.. =/ haha... damn man people said i was LOUD ..too loud at skool today.aha back to my old LOUD self..mwhahaahhaha so happie..damn me nd my babezz are soo good =] hehe thanx fo all da smiles lately.. ;] ooh i want a job...so i can have gas moneeyyy ..for when i get my drivers license..although i dont get it until april coz of my damn birthday, its all good..it sucks tho..damn drivers ed, they put me in too early, nd instead of me waitin fo da semester to end to get my license like the others, im waiting fo my damn birthday...my young aZz..! its ok, it aint no biggie anyways, coz i got my ride all day every day..anytime i want.. =P hehe my BABYYY! anyways..i got my highlights done last saturday..nd my nails done..=P my babez treated me..sorta hehe love youu!! ok well rye now im on da fone wid my girl ima jez leave u guys wid these pics..

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Thu, 01 Jan 2004 19:05:10 GMT

edited [o1.o4.o4]

damn da last day before skool starts nd i didnt do shit..its all good though i needed my rest and catch up on some sleep..which i think i've followed up on. hehe..ahh my winter break was pretty okay it wasn't shit compared to the rest dat i've had before..if i could go back, there would have been definitely things i could've changed. but watever, cant do shit bout em now. but its all good though coz ive learned many things during the past two weeks. but damn it, do we really have to go back to school tomorrow? =/ yeah by the way, my girl sarah called me up today nd she asked me if i was going back to school tomorrow and i said yea and asked why and she goes "well my school doesnt go back til wednesday" ahh i was gonna scream..im so jealous..i still think i need more rest and sleep and time to go out and do wat i wanna do. nd during the break, i dont think i went out nd had much fun like im supposed to..eh.. i think i have a lot of favors to do fo myself now..now dat i kno wat i need to kno..hmm like get away from every1 nd be alone fo one day to jez go nd get pampered at da spa man..get a massage, my nails done, and my hair..hmm..too bad i cant do it dat soon, im broke..i got 9 bucks left from wat i made over christmas, but watever. ah from now on, my only goal is to make myself happy nd not to look at any1 else fo my happiness only because i kno dat i cant always depend on someone to make me smile or hear the things i wanna hear..pff..anyways..for the time being, i guess ill be okay. despite all that ive gone thru or wat not, im good, i could be better..ahh i should go out more man..im missing out on my friends nd da things dats going around my social life jez bcoz of this. ok but watever..i hope me nd mr. right could jez move on with our lives..man u kno..i wish me nd him could go on a vacation away from everyone nd jez spend some good time together..coz its always fun wid jez me n him, jez like its always been, but it would be better to get away from every1 elses negativity nd all those damn people dat call..wtf? dont u all have lives..stop calling!! no one cares lol.. ok..yeaa ! lol man u kno wat, despite the mistakes that we both have made..man, we love each other. one minute we could be tearin at each others throats, but damn i love dat guy..its like really weird coz out of all the guys ive met no one is like him..like no is that sweet, or that caring, or considerate. everything he does for me, watever i want and how i want it, he doesnt do it by force, but bcoz he cares nd loves me and wants me to be happy. how many guys out there would actually read dis and say "yea dats rite" instead of laughing coz u guys are pigs..lol but it takes a real man to do wat he gots to do to make his lady smile nd be happy. anyways i love you baby..

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saying goodbye to 2oo3

nd` welcome da 2oo4

happy new years everyone! lets see, going back to skool so soon man damn...i dont wanna go back, i still need more rest and recovery time from all the emotional shit i was put through dis entire break. dont get me wrong, through da drama i guess i had some fun..other than that, relationship wise, he said we would start off the new year with a new beginning and forget wat happened in da past, but..i guess he see's it by adding new lies or wat not. its tiring but were still pushing and trying to make it work. i mean every night, cant sleep, da only way i can sleep is if im really tired from crying..nd i'll jez cry n cry til i fall asleep. its so wrong, and by reading this, u all prolly think dat i shouldnt put myself thru it..nd i feel da same way..i jez cant give up. i put too much into dis relationship than bullshit n drama. everytime i do think of jez giving up, da memories come back, the pictures on the wall and frames around my room signifies many of the memories that we've shared with each other. we had soo many good times up until he went to mather nd met those damn ppl he calls his "friends" nd since then he's been doin da wrong things nd turning into someone i dont want him to be. dont get me wrong, he has a lot of friends, but da new ones he made at dat skool makes his head spin. nd since then, everything between us has been on a downward spiral. and each nd everytime i cry the same tears feel the same pain and its always the same "im sorry's" yea i always forgive him, but i can never forget wat happened and da mistakes dat he made. its already january, as soon as you kno it, it'll be april and my 16th birthday and im going to get my license and my car and our anniversary too..but dont you ever get scared dat out of all da things uve dont nd said to me dat it might go back to you? yea we all kno it, i can be a bitch when i want to but wat if i jez dont give a damn no more..man you have a lot to think about and a lot to change..blaming your problems on me and everyone else isnt the right thing to do. you kno your mistakes fix em.. nd if u ask me if i care, honestly i dont kno and i dont think i should care anymore..thru all dat bullshit and tears and heartache, u still want me to treat you right? but man u kno wat, dealin wid dis aint worth it anymore. u do wat u need to do to make things work, ima jez sit back nd relax n let u work ur magic somehow. coz im ready to give up my heart cant take it n my body cant take da pain nd depresssion anymore. its making me sick and weak. im going on a new path. a path that'll make things better for me..not you but me..ive tried to make it so dat u n me can go our way n be happy but u ruined a lot. i cant sit here n say i neva did u wrong coz i kno i did, nd everything has been made up fo ive changed to make wat we have last and its lasted dis far iono how far it will go or end up at..well for now ima be doin me n wat i gotta do to stop thinkin of all dis drama..coz its driving me crazy..ooh damn i need some pics up on here soon =P

//+i dont think theres a lot to worry about. for now ima jez try nd` relax on dat drama/bullshit coz i got better things to worry about. i've learned a lot dis year from each and every one of you and da situations i was put in. all da emotions i went through dis year was worth it. the things ive learned from dis year are things dat can be useful in the future. to all my friends, thanx fo wat u guys have done.

<3_aLLeNN

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Sat, 27 Dec 2003 04:45:12 GMT

yeaaa dats my babyyy =] o4.26.o2 hehe

yes it has been a while and im updating with a new look to my page =] merry christmas and happy holidays to everyone? well whos up for a new years party? lol coz i am =] life has been great and dis vacation is going by too fast dont u think? i think ive well benefitted by the rest ive gotten this past week and u kno wat? it feels damn good lol this is jez a quick update and im not going to recap on the things dats been happening lately..too much to write, u kno n i aint in no mood to update. lets jez say the time spent wid my baby is time well spent =]

ok now everyone, comment me, i miss all those comments dat ppl leave me..i used to get soo much ..nd now u guys get lazy..so cmon comment me nd leave me propppzz =] i love wat u guys have to say!

woooo baby i loveeee you

<3_aLLeNN

12.28.o3//12.o7 - aM

well i have nothing to do but to update =] it was a pretty good day. i woke up early, as usual [11] ? nd watched some tv, woke up mike around [1] ..chilled around da crib fo a lil bit nd then i got ready to go to anna's crib fo a lil get-together. i saw lisa nd anna..chilled wid dem nd anna's friends. me nd mike ddnt stay late..then some shit went down nd aftawards, went back to his crib, got ready to go to a family party to meet up wid my parents n other family friends..saw kat there..we chilled, nd then me n mike started to watch phone-booth at ateh's room since she was at work..nd while into da movie, we hadda bounce..so mike, kuya james, kevin, nd i rode in mikes ride while my parents were in theres. on da way home we were right behind narks n dis car they were "investigating" so then..they pulled them over, nd i guess i found it amusing..heh ..ok =] ok so we got to my crib waaayyy earlier than my parents, nd since i ddnt have da keys to da crib, we parked up front n chilled in da front of my crib. nd then at my krib some crazyyy ass shit went down..wheww..wat a night man..! it was great =]

+//after-thoughts...-ive learned a lot about myself during this winter break, nd i guess theres a lot of things i need to change. most especially my bad attitude. if you kno me, then you kno my attitude, and i got a bad one. =] well i shouldnt be happy about it bcoz it is the reason why me n hubbz argue. nd im really gettn sick n tired of da way i act or talk to him at times bcoz he doesnt deserve it. hes a great guy, nd when i want to be, im such a great person. but there are times where i let my anger and emotion get inbetween things nd the end result isnt all too good. nd after shit goes down..in da late hours of the nite, dats where i start to think and where i try to figure out wat else i can do to make things better. but then again, ive tried once and once again, but it really is hard, when i get no help from anyone, bcoz no one knows or understands. why? because i hide the problem nd im good at hiding it, but not in front of mike. bcoz hes proven to me dat he understands, cares, nd is willing to do anything to lend a hand. but in front of all of you, i cant show it, its hard nd i dont want any1 else to get involved, bcoz you guys dont care. nd ive only found a handful dat does. nd actually, i think it is only mike..lol .. i dont care though bcoz he's all i need. anywayz..i need to prove something to myself, dat i can change nd do wat i need to wid myself. i need to stop being selfish and spoiled n think about da people around me, who i actually care about. nd theres not many of you, so dont get happy. =] i guess its jez who i am, i dont trust anyone, nd fo da ones close to me, im still struggling to. let it be, i need to learn, the hard way or the easy way, im gonna learn..learn to trust, and to change for myself, not you guys. if u dont like da way i am, so be it. ya'll aint shit to me anyways. nd if you are, you kno it ;] anyways, ive written enough i guess..coz if i dont stop now, im gonna keep writing nd writing, nd writing. so leave me comments if u wish, if not then bounce..til next time..holla at me =]

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Sat, 20 Dec 2003 02:42:53 GMT

right now im so frustrated. arent i supposed to have people to turn to so i can talk to them? its real funnie how i really have no one to turn to. certain people i cant even talk to without someone getting mad. seriously i dont care anymore. theres so many things dat so many of you prove to me dat i shouldnt care about you. events from the past couple of days or weeks have led me to believe that most of you are fake! most of you arent worth caring for at all. in my face ur koo but behind my back all of u are fkd up in da head. if you think im sitting here stressing about it, im not..im jez happy dat i finally know whos true to me..and theres only 3 of you..wow..u guys kno who you are. its quite amazing dat me n mike can fight and fight and fight. soo many times but we can never be over each other. everyday is a new day, a new fight/arguement. and for you that kno wat happens or i happen to call during the event, thank you and dont worry about it.. =] from fighting and arguing all the time, i firgured myself out and i learn so much from what some of you tell me. i am a "hot head" and i tend to blow up small situations into a "big deal" and dats y me n mike fight so much. but really, in order to change da way i am and da way i act sometimes, i need some of u to help me. i dont want to become this person with a bad temper my whole life, i cant be dat, and i wont be that. some people i need to learn to trust in order to move forward, but it is hard when i have no help from anyone and da ppl dat i do tend to go to, im sorta.."forbidden" to talk to. which may seem silly to most of you that dont kno da situation. although im never informed about things, i hear from other people, nd eh its quite funny. but anywayz.. i've pushed myself away from so many of you, dat you guys dont even kno da deal anymore. theres really one other person but mike dat kno wasup. i really dont care about whos reading this and whos judging wat i am saying, and i really dont care..honestly its a lot better for me to write things down n keep things to myself instead of telling it to some of you straight up dat ya'll are real dumb. i dont understand why some of us, including myself, get mad for real stupid shit. (im not gonna go into detail =] ) i should always be thankful for the things dat you, mike, do for me, but im always worrying about da "what ifs" and all dis shit..i shouldnt blame you bcoz u really dont give me a reason not trust you, but so many people say shit to me n say "well hey u never know" which gets me to think. sometimes i wish all of u knew who he is and wat hes about and tell me to quit trippin all da time. anywayz...fo da ones dats been there thank you i really cant thank you enough. the conversations at any time of da day where i needed to talk and you were there..nd even tho u had some h/w u stayed on da fone jez to make me laugh.. =] n fo my love, my moe-moe..sorry fo always blowin up at u fo stupid shit, and most definitely fo even hittin u da way i did. yeah i have a bad temper, and i am willing to change dat, but its hard to do it when ur constantly pushing my buttons. and to trina girl ur always proving to me dat u are da only female i can always go to. all da times i cried u were there to make me feel so much better about myself and da situation. u were always willling to do everything n say anything to make me smile even just a little bit. girl u proven to me dat YOU ARE DA ONLY female i can trust. and to mikey (moe-moe) and lindley i dont care about wat any1 has to say anymore. u guys have been there the most when i needed any1 da most. for being my friend a real good friend u deserve so much. u dont deserve da bullshit dat life will soemtimes throw at you. u guys have proven so much to me. thanx fo bein there thru da tears and da fears dat u guys helped me get over. thank you for caring no matter wat anyone said. thank you..my 3 true friends..which is quite FEW.. =] u guys are da best..if i had all da money in da world, id buy u guys watever u wanted fo christmas, but i have umm like 40 cents in my wallet rite now coz spent all da money i had on presents on my family =]

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 05:40:01 GMT

happy birthday mikey!

michael born
on december 14, 1986
at 12:03 AM

aww hunnie 17 so soon! happy birthday i hope you had a good time..on saturday coz i did. thru all dat, u made some of it up to me all in one day. you made me smile and laugh the whole time we were together. i kno dat some things dat happen between us isnt your fault, its the stupidity of your friends. thank you for all dat you've given me for the past almost 1 year and 8 months. there is not one moment that passes me that you've slipped out of my mind. its pretty obvious that were meant to be together. all the bullshit and pain, we've always forgotten and forgiven all the things dat has gone wrong. yeah i kno i've been selfish with you. from having you all to myself and all dat good stuff but hey u dont seem to mind. everytime u shut everyone else out jez to keep a smile on my face is greatly appreciated. everyone that you pushed away or out of your life jez bcoz i didnt like em or wat not, you did it for me..thank you. all the things u've bought me and all the things youve brought into my life. i love you.. all the arguements were worth it bcoz through them we've combine stronger together as one, as a whole, as a heart formed by two souls that was merged together =] you make me so happy and you bring out the best in me all the time. you always make me feel like im needed n loved and cared for. all of that and more. wat you've done and how you make me feel is indescribable. but it is the best feeling in the whole wide world. i can actually say that i am one of the happiest girls alive. the smiles are from ear to ear. although the tears may come n go, they always make us realize the most important things in life, which is each other. you've shined my life and turned so many things around for me. my friend, best friend, boyfriend, and my love.. all combined into one person, it feels soo good to know i have that one out of many that i can trust and love at the same time. im so thankful for this day. you were born and you've grown til dis day nd u've made yourself mine =] i l o v e . y o u . b a b y! happy birthday. *17* --may all your birthday wishes come true on your special day ;] happy birthday & many more..i love you.. oh ya thanx fo dat cute ass guess purse ;]

mike will ;]

i went crazy wid PICS..like usual

kiss my phat ass haterzzzz

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 23:52:24 GMT

edit [12.12.o3]

yea wasup homiez ;] unfortunately it is a friday nite nd im not out coz i gotz to stay home n baby sit..oh welpz =/ mommie is at work makin dat dough so i can get my ride.. yea homiez ;] .. anywayz..my ma said fo sho on my ride she even picked it out so yeh =] no more mikey as da driver, dat boy is crazy out on da streetz man, havin my ass hold onto da seatbelts while hes weavin thru traffic..haha buh ya we make it to out destiny in one place..buh now ima be in control of da wheel ;] my ma is hookin me up wid a ride n my dad is hookin me up wid dem rimz =] yess! so spoiled buh i love it..jez waitin on my birfdayyyy haha..ok dats like in april omfgg..so is my n mikeys 2yr anniversary yezzzz so many good things all at once..iono if i can handle dat..well but of course hehe..so happie so cheesyy i love it!..2day was of course another good day at skool..yup im still savin up da dough fo christmas presents =/ sorrie if u dont get one, im jez reallly broke..4 my true pplz..ur presents will come afta da break coz ill be ballin aftawards..danng so any parties during da break? holla back wid da info ya know..lol shiet..! letz see..mmmm nah i aint gonna say shiet.. coz yeh mikey will prolly snap..haha love you! me n my big mouth i swear..lol i get too excited ova shit..ah u gotta love me?!!?!!anywayz ill update laterzzz..

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yea i know i've been updating dis a lot, but i jez got a lot of thoughts in my mind that i think i should be letting out. a lot of things has been working out pretty good for me. relationship-wise its been great yea problems may come n go buh danng, i neva thought they would go dat fast?! i've been so happy n thank you, all of you dat has been there to help put dat smile on my face..you kno who you are. da only thing dats been fkd up is dat my boy richie got into a fight at skool n it wasnt fair coz dis nigga michael came up from behind wid a box cutter n fkd up richies head n he had to be taken to da hospital. damn all these fights dat has happened dis week..four in one day..has been crazy n fkd up. u jez dont realize how fkd over u could get ova beef u got wid one another then all of a sudden, an 18 yr old boy, senior in high school could be charged of attempted murder, if convicted? dang n i waz jez thinking, i got a man dat has a hard eye fo ppl n dat'll throw down no doubt..wat if one day he could get fkd over by some pussy ass nigga dat wont throw up his fist buh pull out a gun or a knife..damn pplz needa get off dat shit..i think dat if u wanna throw down or act like u da shit dat'll whoop anyones ass, prove it wid ur fist, coz a weapon dont make u shit, jez makes u a bitch ass pussy ;] anyhoez yeaa like i was sayin im all happy n cheesy n shit..LIKE DAMN homiez ;] im jez a happie person, like usual n if im not happie, i dont show it, coz ill always have a smile on my face =] hmm..mikeys bday is on sunday..got plans =] im so happie man..we gonna spend some good time together!! then christmas is comin up, i already kno wat i want, so dat means he knows wat to get me =] man everything seemz to perfect..friends, family, boyfriend?! couldnt be!..ah seems like it tho ;] so dats good fo now..u neva kno wat will happen tomorrow..im so broke i only got like 13 bucks..hmmff.. lol n theres still some last minute things i wanna get before his bday ugh..blaahh but anywayz..i guess dats all fo now, until i find another thing to write bout, til then homiez ima be upz..holla..

Monday, December 08, 2003

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 23:54:43 GMT

here i am updating once again ;] well i have nothing else to do. my hubbz is snoozin rite now jez so he can stay up late on da fone wif me tonite..aint dat jez a sweetie pie?! hehez..anyhoez..2day was a pretty koo day at skool..nothin much ya kno..same ole' same ole' haha..well lets see..woke up late..damn it..i ddnt get to leave da crib til like 7:15 nd i was hoping to get to skool early so i can chill wid my friends in da lunchroom buh dat aint work out at all..i got there at like 7:40-ish..went to my locker..talked to karen n then trina came by to say wasup n we was jez talkin bout how supposedly miguel was kickin it to cecy buh he aint..haha i was bout ta say...shiett..! OKAY..haha..then went to my 1st period classroom wid trina to drop off my shit n then we seen lindley on da way out n talked to him fo like a second...n then da bell rang so i headed back..n then i find out we was supposed to do some lame ass skit fo 1st period n i was put in a lame ass group ugh..n they aint even kno wat fk was goin on..n our shit is due TOMORROW..yea TOMORROW..ugh..so i snapped, told them wat they needed to do n dat was dat..lol..=] sweet liddo ole' me..2nd period wasnt all dat..didnt do much coz my spanish teacher is koo like dat n we was basically jez talkin bout shiet n talked to v and chantelle most of da time..umm..then on da way to division i seen nessa she came up n told me some drama/bullshit yeaah fillin me in on da deaL-Lio.. kina funnie..lots of shit u can miss w/o comin to skool on 2 days..heh..anyhoez..division was bogus..me n justine couldnt get our "talk" on = / n our division teacher told us we couldnt talk da whole time we was there..n we snuck in a lil whisper here n there bout some important info..which will be kept on da DOWN-LOW..lol then 3rd..me trey n nicole was jez talkin bout CLUB MAMBO yah they want me to go on FRICTION FRIDAY ..first friday of every month..lol so we can get our juke onnnn! 4th..i went to lunch wid trina couldnt find the rest of da ppl we was supposed to be wid, but its all gravy..5th was boring since krystal dont sit by us no more..mmm..6th was pointless as usual..? .. 7th was fkn boring..and 8th i left early to go chill wid hubbz.. ahh u are da sweetest babe i love you! u always put a big cheesy ass smile on my face no matter wat.. ha i love you..

\+_end note: everything seems to be going good generally in life..you know, i jez realize that peoplez opinions shouldnt even matter to you and it shouldnt affect the way you feel or your decisions about certain things. why? because they are not in your position. you can only explain to them about your feelings to an extent, but theres only so many words that can describe it. the advice from others is always there, but it doesnt really mean that you have to do what they say. they are all opinions. do wat you think is right and base it on how you feel, not your friends. people get fkd over or make stupid decisions due to wat everyone else says not the way you feel. why would it matter anyway if you listen to them? wat would it have to do with them right? .. judge on your behalf..and go wid your feelings..coz dats da only way to go if u want things to go your way ..not theres..i've learned is so many ways that the only person you should be depending on is yourself. not everyone can pull through for you or do as you may want, but in reality, they try, and sometimes things happen unexpectedly and cant control it. dont be mad, be thankful..why? because they tried. i've learned from so many of you..some that have failed me and some that have stood by my side that there are a certain of you that i can rely on and you kno who you are. but to those who have failed me..or for my readers those who have failed you, some of didnt mean to, some didnt have control over it, most of em try to do so much fo you dat u may not even notice it bcoz u think its normal or they do it jez bcoz its ur friend or bf/gf .. but doesnt it ever come across to you that they are doing it to make you happy..ive learned that..i've always tried to mike perfect, told him what not to do or what to do, where to go or where not to go. hes tried, hes failed, but i did nothing to help him get himself up and try again, all i did was bitch n complain, which lead to nothing, it jez made it worse. but i left it up to him to prove to me what he can, as long as it took, it was for the better. things are better. but as long as it took, it was my fault for doubting it, it was my fault.. maybe we should all look at ourselves and look at our problems and the things we could try and make better, instead of blaming it on everyone else..=]

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 22:43:30 GMT

[edit] "NEW BEGINNING" \12.o5.o3/

well its pretty obvious that me nd mikey will be going somewhere in da future together, but how far will we get wid all dis bullshit? ferreal..yea a lot of shit has happened between us since day one, but things are so different now nd were getting older, feelings change and so do emotions. i am loving you more n more every single day, argument or not the love is always there between us. we'll fight/argue and then make up within 15 minutes after fighting. im sorry again fo wat happened these days..we really need to start over and start something fresh and new. we need new friends instead of your LOSER friends..its wat fucks us up in da first place all da time, fucking losers wid no lives...ANYWAYZ..i love you and i want you to be happy, and i want us to be happy coz if one of us in unhappy then the other one isnt too good either. we've grown together to be so strong and i kno we can pull this off. we're good at dat type of shit..haha..i really think dat we need to step back and take a look at wat is going on, lets stop blaming each other on things and start looking at ourselves, coz we are not as perfect as we would like to think ;] damn hunnie things do happen fo a reason, if we ddnt argue or watever we wouldnt have gotten to dis point that we are at. its always gona be you nd me baby ride or die we gon do it together, n we been ridin together since day one nd we havent been a part since. you chose me over them fo a reason, u've seen it a long time ago, fuck them now coz they aint do shit now but fuck you over..losers..anyways..man i love you..

for everyone else...

today was a koo day..haha lol..went to see GOTHIKA wid mikey, marlene, kevin, and james..crazy ass movie lol..i was wif mikey all day long..it was koo..i aint bout tah explain ma whole day, so ima cut dis short..baby i love you..comment me people..!

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well yea i felt as though i needed a new update since da last one was too hearty ;] haha .. i really dont have much to say right now, i got really bored n decided to take some pictures nd i got carried away so here it is..

yepp nd dats all fer now..mayb ima have some tomorrow..mayb not..haha

<3_aLLeNN

Friday, November 28, 2003

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 02:09:39 GMT

HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone! yea i had mike over..food was good..u kno i made mash potatos! anyways..da reason why ima update this is to express some of my thoughts..this is the day where your supposed to be thankful of what you have. thinking about it and realizing recent events with illnesses and such things, its pretty obvious that people in your lives dont last forever. as much as you try and deny it now or say to yourself "it will never happen to me nd my family" sometimes man u jez dont kno wat life has in store for you. and it is also pretty obvious dat life doesnt guarantee anything but death...its hard to think dat everyone around you dat you care so much about can be gone in an instant..no i havent experienced many deaths, but i hear about them, i see the grief in peoples eyes..but what if i lossed the people i loved the most..how will i be able to take that? i dont know. but then day in and day out..when i wake up in da morning, i give my mom or dad an attitude for making me wake up..but i dont thank them for caring if i go to skool or for driving me to skool nd not make me take the bus in the cold chicago weather..or when i go to skool nd i see all my friends..nd to some that i may come across nd give an attitude to jez bcoz im in a pissed off mood or tired..but i never thank them for being there for me, or even being my friend, for talkin to me when i need someone, or cry on their shoulder whenever i needed to, or for not criticizing, or judging me..then my boyfriend, who will come after skool nd pick me up, nd me decide to fight wid me jez coz i ddnt have a good day at skool, or he came a couple minutes late due to traffic, which he cannot control..i dont thank him for actually pickin me up nd not make me take da stank ass bus wid a shit load of ppl, nd buying me watever i wanted when i asked fo it, or takin my stupid bullshit, or wipe my tears, or be the only person to go to when i need to express my feelins, or help me forget about my worries nd get over my fears, nd then i get home to my little siblings, ill give em shit jez bcoz i wanna pick on them, make em cry or jez mess wid them, make kevin get off da comp in da middle of conversations wid his friends or playin a computer game, but i dont thank em fo neva turning their backs on me when i had absolutely NO ONE to turn to, i dont thank em fo eva blackmailing me or trickin on me fo doing things dat i wasnt supposed to do, or cover up fo me when i hadda sneak out nd do wat i had to do.. man i really do love all the ppl in my life, nd if i havent shown u da love dat i should be or showing u dat i actually care, im sorry..i really am..and i really do love u all nd care about all of you..nd a lil somethin fo u guys.. first nd for most..

mike..for wat ive done and havent done im sorry..i should show you more than i do..all the love you've given me, da attention, and time dat uve given to me, i did take fo granted..i cant live another day thinkin i did another thing wrong to you bcoz it is so wrong. fo wat uve given me nd done fo me, i cant jez do u wrong no more. your my best friends..nd uve shown me what a real friend is and wat it takes. u took the time to gain my trust nd get to know me. u took the time to learn to understand my personality. uve chosen me over ppl dat uve been boys wid fo more than half of ur life..it showed me dat i really meant something to you..da nites i left you to cry or feel bad, where i went to sleep like nothin was wrong..god..da things ive done wrong..makes me wonder y ur still wid me..when u say those three words --"i love you" man you do..you do babe u do love me..i still remember those nites where we poured our hearts out to each other, with our deepest secrets in tears nd everything..i will never forget the things u told me..nd fo u to tell me dats shows dat u really trusted me..nd fo me havin a big mouth im sorrie fo dat..i really am..man im jez really thankful fo havin u in my life nd thank you fo giving me everything..even ur heart..baby believe me, i will take good care of you..

--chris innumerable yea weve known each other fo a yr now nd dis yr we've gotten real close since mike isnt at skool wid us, ur the other person i can go to nd talk to w/o being judged..your there to cry to and talk to whenever i need to do so..u've never betrayed me nd i was never hesitant to tell you anything..thank u fo always being there fo me nd make me feel soo much better on da days i felt so bad..man without you nd a couple of others, i would dread going to skool. i love u man!!

--TRINA gurl we been sooo tight nd u kno like everything about me..we've known each other since we was small nd i kno i can count on u on dat serious shit lol ur there when i need to be serious and ur there when i needa be crazy nd get fucked up..uve always had my back nd been wid me thru da thick nd thin. ive told u so many things dat has never left ur mouth. uve proven ur friendship to me and i hope ive proven mine, thank u fo da times weve spent together nd had fun nd da days i had u to cry to nd tell my problems to. gurl i love you nd u kno dat.

--kat..u me nd trina have known each other since we was small..i still remember when we used to sleep over by ur house nd we were all in love wid da spice gurls lmao nd we would do their lil dances..man i kno we dont seem to talk as much anymore, but when i need to talk to someone, i could easily come to you, nd uve done da same fo me. its kina funny coz fo a while itLL be a hi nd bye thing fo us but when some serious shit goes down we go to each other. we havent chilled as much coz there hasnt been much of family parties lol..ah but gurl anytime im here..boy problems anything..im here lol..

--justine..man we are starting to get close dis yr..u are such a sweetheart! ur always there to talk to in DIV fo like 15 minutes we get a lot of talkin done..we sneak lil comments during announcements..its really nice to kno dat there are ppl dat i can trust..nd you are one of em. i kinna regret not getting close to u last yr..! but ahh we'll make up fo em. im always here fo advice nd i think u kno dat =] u are one of the nicest gurls ive ever met nd ones dat i can tell things to n trust dat u wont say shit to no one. im happy dat ive met yet another person i can trust..n i LOVE u fo dat..thanx fo bein one of the shoulders to cry to..nd last but not least.. lol

--lin..although we've only known each other for a small amount of time, ive come to realized that theres actually someone that is almost identical to me..sorta..lol u are such a great person! n im so happy dat u n i get to talk about problems. ur there to help me out nd im here to help u out also. im happy dat uve finally found someone dat tickels ur fancy .. lol sorri i jez hadda use dat..coz to me it seems u guys make each other happy. remember..da problems dat may arise now, will make u guys stronger..nd when u need advice im always around to talk to...dont be shy lol ..ur a good guy...nd u two are very lucky to have each other. u two are special ppl dat deserve each other nd wat each other offers. man i love u two so much nd i wish fo nothing but the best fo u guys. im always here! n im thankful i have you, lin, nd justine as my friends..my true friends..nd to my brother kevin u kno i love u .. lol ahhhh whoa..ok i think im done.. ;] I LOVE YOU GUYS..